A Life Update
This Post May Contain Affiliate Links. Please Read Our Disclosure PolicyI suppose I owe you a life update. I invited you on this crazy journey, so I should keep you in the loop, right?
(For those of you who are new here: last June I moved to Pittsburgh. If you need to catch up, it all started here and here.)
As much I would like to tell you that moving to Pittsburgh has dramatically changed my life, made everything happier / better, and opened up oodles of opportunities, I can’t … yet. I had hoped that relocating would be enough. – That a different place, more people, new and exciting activities, etc. would be the ticket to opening me up to a supremely happy existence. However, it just didn’t happen. Part of me didn’t want to write this post because I am embarrassed to still be in much the same situation seven months after moving here.
I know I only have myself to blame. Although I went to events, markets, restaurants, coffees shops, etc., I didn’t give it enough, do enough, put myself out there enough, or try hard enough. I could list a million reasons (some better than others), but they’d just be excuses.
To be fair, it hasn’t all been miserable and unsuccessful. I’ve met some people and made a couple new friends, plus I’m genuinely enjoying this urban location. I find so much joy in visiting local coffee shops, experiencing new-to-me foods, seeing city sites, etc. I’m glad I’m here. I’m happy I took the risk of moving here. However, in my mind, I just thought I’d be further along. Great expectations I suppose.
With that being said, I’m excited 2018 is here. I’ve spent the past two weeks in kind of a haze, bummed about my current situation, but that has to end. It’s time to hit the reset button and try again. I’m not quite sure how yet, but I’m planning and working on ways to be where I want to be. In fact, last week I hired a life coach as recommended by a reader. I’m hoping to make many positive changes through that.
I do realize that some of you are sick of hearing the same story again and again. I get it. I hate telling it over and over. How many times have I made proclamations here only to find myself in the same situation a few months down the road? Too many to count. But I guess there is something to be said for continuing to try. Life may kick me down, but I’m not going to let it keep me down. I’ve got to get it correct one of these times, right?
You also might be wondering about my house in St. Marys. Well, I sold it. I had no intention of doing so. However, a few months after my move, an opportunity presented itself, and I couldn’t say no. I knew the St. Marys house wasn’t my forever home, so it was time to let it go. It also happens that the folks who are buying the house want the contents, so packing up and moving shouldn’t be too hard. Naturally, I’ll be taking personal items, but I’m going to do my best to keep things to a minimum.
I’m not sad about selling, so please don’t be sad for me. I had a great run with that house, and thankfully, I have many pages here on IBC by which to remember it. If anything, I’m feeling anxious and unsettled about simply not having a “home.” Not the physical structure, but I place where I feel comfortable, a place where I belong.
So now what? Well, I’ve been house hunting in Pittsburgh. In fact, I was inches away from making an offer on a place, but my financing kept falling through. Even though things are in order now, and I could put in an offer today, I’m taking those many failed attempts as a sign from the universe to continue the search.
As grateful as I am for my apartment and the opportunities it’s given me, I can tell you that apartment living is not for me. I’m itching to be in a house again. Unfortunately, the housing market in Pittsburgh is rather slow this time of year, so my search for a house may take a little longer than I’d like. I suppose that’s a good thing though. It seems best not to rush things. It also gives me time to pause and figure out what I want and where I want to be.
So that’s what’s been going on in my personal life.
I had thought about including a bit about the blog and my direction for it, but I’ll save that for another post. In addition to my personal uncertainties, I’ve been struggling with the blog as well. (This was probably apparent in my almost three-week hiatus from IBC and social media.) I’m certain at some point I’ll reach out for your feedback and advice. Thanks for your patience in my absence.
I could go on and share more details, but I think that pretty much covers things. If you have questions, let me know in the comments, and I’ll do my best to answer them. I’m sure I’ve forgotten something.
As always, thank you for your love, support, and loyalty. You are dear to me.
Hi Michael, I see you, I feel you, and I pray for you. I have only recently gotten into the DIY, reading blogs and creating things and so far your blog, ideas, videos are my favorite and just look at the responses you get. You DO have a tribe that follows you where ever you go! Your blogs reflect the same struggles though different circumstances that we all have. Though I haven’t physically moved my world changed when I was diagnosed with Lupus in 2014. I went from a wonderful career full of fashion, cocktail parties, changing others lives to so sick I couldn’t get out of bed. This year I started crafting, created a make shift craft room, etc etc ( I feel like I should write my own blog) sorry for mumbling on but I just wanted you to know that something as simple as your learn how to make a. christmas bow video made me so happy this year. I had a freaking Mardis gras making Christmas bows! (Lol). You make a difference. That’s all I really wanted to say. Xoxo Kim
Thank you for posting this. I appreciate your honesty and I, sincerely, hope that everything works out for you. I am 45 and finally feel that I may be on the path that is meant for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding your own way. I thank you for taking us on this journey with you. Hugs.
Wow! From the number of comments I believe you have more friends than you realize. I’m new to IBC and have enjoyed your writing and frank honesty. Sometimes we give ourselves deadlines and feel let down when our goals are not met. Relax—timed goals not met doesn’t mean they are not happening. I live outside Pittsburgh in the North Hills and one thing to remember is the gray winter days have a way of bringing you down. Enjoy the day and relish the moments. Good things are coming your way!
Please don’t have self doubt. Your blog is one of my absolute favorites. Moving is very hard. I did it many years ago (Massachusetts to Ohio) with a new baby and new job for my husband. Started out in an apartment but moved to a house after 11 months. Everything got better once we were in a house and neighborhood. Good luck to you and keep up your good work. You are very talented in so many ways.
First, go easy on yourself! I can’t even tell you how many times you’ve inspired me to try something new or taught me how to do something that was previously a mystery (hello, Christmas tree ribbon!). Second, it’s not unusual or ANYTHING to be embarrassed about to be uncertain of your destination. Sometimes it’s important to remember that although life may be short, it’s also long. Enjoy where you are right this minute. It’s a shame I’m not closer, or I’d insist you join me for drinks and we’d discuss each of these points ad nauseam.
What a timely post! I have been driving the struggle bus lately (and by lately, I mean for quite some time!) and finally have an appointment with a therapist. (I am NOT suggesting you or anyone needs one, just stating what I needed!). I have found myself with quite a bit of time on my hands, and frankly, don’t know how to fill it so that I feel fulfilled. Making friends is hard and loneliness is real.
Thank you for your transparency. It is my hope that you are able to find what it is you are looking for and that it will bring you joy and a sense of fulfillment. Your talents are bountiful and everything you touch is made beautiful. Wishing you much luck on your journey – keep us posted! And again, thank you for your vulnerability and honesty – it helps to connect and engage all of us.
Not a grown up alive hasn’t felt like you seem to be feeling. And guess what, sometimes they never find it because they quit. You haven’t, so bravo for you! Sometimes there are lessons in journeys you cannot learn without that journey and that can be all this is something you are learning. I will say prayers for you, its hard to see such a talented wonderful man seem so down. Go up from here!
Hang in there Michael! You’re the best! XXOO
Here’s a big hug from Dallas– we have the empty nester thing down pat and truly enjoy it but are finding our home and neighborhood isn’t giving us what we need anymore– it’s hard and it takes time to figure out which way to go. I just know good things are waiting for you! And if you ever get too bored, I’d love you to decorate my house!!
Making friends as an adult is HARD! I moved twice for work and both times I thought it took a year to make some friends that you feel know you. And two years to feel at home. So don’t give up yet! Now I’ve been in my current city for 7 years and I feel I need to start over with making new friends. My friends have moved or moved on to different seasons of their lives. I wish you the best with all of your changes. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and it is hard to identify the culprit. I wish you the best!
Also, I don’t care if you complain, it keeps you real, and that is why I follow you! Do whatever you need to be happy. We will support you no matter what.
OK – I’ve read all of these comments and they’re all good but I’m going to take a different road on this one. I feel like I’m your mother in saying – WHAT??? Look in the mirror Michael. You’re an amazing cook, amazing decorator with many kudos, you have a huge following – everywhere!!! People you don’t know love you. You’re A.MA.ZING!! Stop trying to figure it all out and just live everyday to the fullest. Not every day will be full and exciting but if you look in the right places you’ll see that it’s all amazing! Appreciate the mundane and it becomes something very special. You’ve heard it before that you have a special gift – all true. You have the perfect platform for using that gift and we all appreciate you so much. Look in the mirror Michael. You’re A.MA.ZING!!
I just love your posts. I look forward to them weekly. I don’t even know how I found you, but I fell in love with your blueberry muffin recipe and it’s history ever since. I wish you nothing but peace, love and happiness. Thank you for sharing your life and your recipes and ideas. Good Luck on your house hunting. I’m excited for you.
I think you are so amazing and honest. Life is unpredictable-but worth it. So happy you are taking positive steps and recognize that you need some outside insight. I will be praying for you-don’t be embarrassed-we are here for you-saying a prayer 😀
Lots of great comments here, saying pretty much what I might have said 🙂 One thing I will say though… Take your time, do what is best for *you*. If that means we wait a little longer between your posts, that’s okay. We’ll all be here when you return. I wish you all the best and hope things start looking up for you soon. Hugs… Pat
Remember when you are taking the blame, you should also be accepting praise – for your courage and determination, for your creativity and open heart and for a million other positive attributes. Be as kind to yourself as I know you are to others.
Michael, I honestly felt like I was reading about my own life and the current state of it minus the move. In my brain I have all of these goals, dreams and places that I want my life and blog to go but somehow I just end up with the same old things year after year. I want so badly for this year to be different but once you’ve been stuck so long it can be very difficult to get out. I have a hard time even finding the motivation to do the things I know I need to do to take myself further… So with that said I feel your pain and hope that we can both find some way out and that 2018 is a much better year for us!
Hey Michael! I’ve never commented before, and can’t even remember how I found out about you in the first place, but I’ve been following you ever since to enjoy (and be envious) of all the creative work you do. I live in Chicago, but in a small condo and feel very constrained by what I can do creatively, so your inspiration has been fun to see and get ideas from.
I see you’re going to work with a life coach. I have some background experience in working with one and doing a little training myself in becoming one, thought not actually doing it. I say this as encouragement for you to fully embrace what coaching brings you, but also to have a level head on expectations. I can honestly say that coaching taught me a lot about my core values and belief systems that I wasn’t aware existed. It’s not a magic pill, but it did bring me a huge sense of self awareness in areas I hadn’t thought of, and that helped me in many ways!
Also, about that big city life in Pittsburgh… It’s been 7 months right? I’m sure everyone says “hang in there”, but, truth be told, 7 months is a short time in a big city, even like Chicago. As a gay man myself, I’ve met many people in Chicago who have said it’s hard to make new friends and that it takes time. I’ve lived here for 20+ years and have had many of my friends move away over the years. As a result, I feel now, at 51, like I’m kind of starting all over in trying to find ways to meet new people and make new friends, and that’s as a married guy! Point is, if Chicago is hard for people to meet new friends, then I guess Pittsburgh probably is too. 😉
Anyway, extra long comment here, but your post struck a note with me.
Wishes for a 2018 bigger and better than you can imagine!
Thank you for being so candid. Talking helps so keep bending our ears. We are all here for you and supporting you from afar. What you are feeling is quite normal and I’m sure most of us can relate. You are not alone. Us cyber friends are here for you!
Hello Micheal,
It’s your Girlfriend Next Door, Andrea. I have followed you for years now, and to be honest you were one my first inspirations for blogging. I too have struggled with moving and finding friends. Hence, why I started, Your Girlfriend Next Door, it simply started as a way for me to express myself.
I have moved to four states, supporting my husband’s career, and boy it has not been easy. I find as you get older it’s really difficult penetrating friend circles and winning peoples trust. I feel in society we have this one eye open mentality. Not to be bombed I have just simply tried to fall in love with myself and truly send out positive energy, in hopes that will come back to me. Honestly, I have found myself communicating with people online more and more. At first, I was afraid, but I noticed we were all in the same boat. I’ve found some really cool people, but as you know it not the same as having your go-to tribe around the corner.
I commend you for your courage. I think, you have created a safe place, IBC, not only do you inspire, but it feels real and we all have connected with you. Honestly, I know you’re on your journey of discovery and direction but I do have one question. You have such knowledge and been such an inspiration to many. Have you ever thought about consulting? Sometimes feeding into others can be so rewarding. If you ever, please allow me to be your first client!!! You have touched so many hearts around the country and abroad, and as I mentioned to you before your gift is contagious. I’m not sure what your plans are or what your biggest dream actually looks like, but you’ve been my inspiration and I would simply like to say thank you. Each time I visit IBC, I smile and leave extremely happy and inspired.