Yesterday I noticed that my local Walmart no longer carries sun-dried tomatoes. Instead they now have a 5 x 5′ section dedicated to one brand of boxed macaroni and cheese. I tell you this for two reasons. First, I love sun-dried tomatoes, especially the ones packed in oil. (Extra healthful, right?) Secondly, the absence of sun-dried tomatoes at my local Walmart* seems to be a sign from the Universe. Let me explain.
*For anyone who doesn’t know, Walmart is my only option for food shopping unless I want to drive 45 minutes to the closest stand-alone grocery store.
Last week, I started writing this same post. At the time, I titled it “The Secret.” Not that I was revealing a secret, but in reference to the book The Secret, as in if you put it something out there, it comes (back) to you.
If you’ve followed IBC for some time (I’ve been doing this for 8 years now!), you know that every year around this time I write a post about bettering my life. Yet, year after year, I find myself in the same predicament. Over the past year, I’ve decided not to get super personal here on IBC because I felt no one needed to hear all that “stuff,” and besides, it wasn’t professional. (I even created Behind the Charm to share more personal things, but that hasn’t worked.)
I don’t want this post to be sad, so I’m going to keep the explanation to a few short sentences. In a nutshell, 2016 was an awful year for me personally. Through the IBC/work lens it was a wonderfully successful year with lots of amazing opportunities, trips, magazine features, etc. However “behind the charm,” I’ve been pretty miserable. In short, I’m lonely, often unmotivated, and carrying a couple extra pounds. I’ve also somehow managed to lose most of my friends. I could go on, but you get it.
I do love my job and am so grateful for the success I’ve had while getting to create day in and day out. I often find it hard to complain when, if you look at my life on the outside, it seems to be magical.
So, you’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with sun-dried tomatoes and why I’m writing about it here. I need your help and opinions. My question is this: With “nothing” left for me here in St. Mary’s, is it time for me to move?
Before you can answer, a few things to consider.
First, I love my home, but I’m not attached to it. It’s not in an ideal location, plus I’d like a bigger yard, etc.
Secondly, as I’ve mentioned before, my plan has been to buy my grandparents’ house when the time comes. My grandfather passed about two years ago and my grandma still lives there. Naturally, I want her to live forever, but as a result, that puts me in limbo.
Also, Is buying a house in an area that seemingly has little to offer me (e.g., no relationships, no friends, no sun-dried tomatoes) the best decision?
Another plan I’ve had is to purchase my grandparents’ home when the time comes, but also rent or buy a little condo near the beach so I can have the best of both worlds.
And if I do decide to leave St. Marys, how do I even begin to choose where to live? Given my job, the world is my oyster. However, what if I move, and I’m more lost and lonely than I am now?
As you can see, I’m confused. I also need to consider my two cats. I can’t just abandon them for half of the year if having two residences would be the best option. I also have no intention of getting rid of them. They are part of my life until they pass to Kitty Heaven.
Also, St. Marys is home. Being close to my family is a gift that I treasure. However, lately I feel like I have just a supporting role in their lives rather than a life of my own.
And speaking of a life of my own, I haven’t dated in years. It doesn’t help that I’m a bit of an introvert, but a guy trying to meet a guy in small town America is kind of tricky. Many young people want out of this place the day after they graduate. This has been a big issue for me because year after year, I want nothing more than to spend my life with someone.
So, in a nutshell, that’s my situation. (Also, I should mention I am chatting with someone about all of this “stuff” in trying to work things out. I’m not making any major life decisions tomorrow, I’m just getting the ball rolling.)
I decided to write this post in an attempt to open the doors. Maybe you have some thoughts or helpful suggestions? Maybe you’ve been through a similar situation? Maybe you know the “perfect” place where I should put down roots? Maybe you have an adorable condo for sale on the beach? Maybe you have a pool house I can rent for part of the year? Maybe you have a cute cousin I should meet? Or maybe you just have a can of sun-dried tomatoes I can buy?
I realize I have a lot of work to do on my own. Ultimately this is my life, and I’m the one driving the bus. I get it. However, in this particular instance, I wouldn’t mind a few backseat drivers.
As always, thank you very much in advance. Even if you have no advice to offer, I appreciate your kind thoughts and continued support of IBC.
My Walmart (blocks from my house – no judgement) also quit carrying sun dried tomatoes. Or so I thought. I found a produce guy and asked. They are now located in product section in zip top bag. Not in oil in a jar, but better than nothing.
I truly hope you are encouraged by all the lovely posts above. Yes, we are reading and caring and I’m a recent subscriber (and completely charmed and addicted!)! Have to add that my daughter, Ali, is a professional food blogger (Gimme Some Oven). In addition to her local friends, I know she has a lot of support from a network of blogger pals. They really “get it” when it comes to the blogging world. And she has built a network of trusted blogger friends. Sure, they are “competitors” but not in this forum. They share ideas, encouragement and lots more. Ali did a series of posts on being Single (the good, bad, just plain challenging parts of it) for several years and got amazing support from her readers. I know you will receive the same. Wishing you all the best and blessings in 2017.
Please tell me where you purchased that great white vase. Also – wondering if you are talking about St. Mary’s Ga. I live in Fernandina Beach, Fl. So, hoping you are talking about S M, Ga as that means you got that great vase close to home 🙂
Hi Michael. Like many others, I always ready but rarely comment. As with any job, they have the ability to both help and hinder us. I feel that part of you has not been challenged in a new, fresh, exciting way. I truly believe you need “new” right now in your life.
When I turned 30, I was pretty much at a stand still personally and not a clue what to do. So my Christmas present to my self was a 32′ U haul, a trailer for my jeep and I headed north out of Fort Lauderdale. I’m 52 now, married 20 years, and my only regret was not having done it sooner. Best decision I ever made. (Maybe!) just kidding.
One sure fire way to really get to know what you really want in/out of this life is to truly just jump in with both feet. This is your life. This is your one moment of your life. This is truly the only moment in your life that matters. Now. Take a chance on you.
One saying I heard many years ago that helped me was simple and profound for me and I’ll share it with you and your readers;
“Life is a search for answers. And everyone is looking.”
I pray you enough for today.
Be Blessed and Be a Blessing, Hope
I think your idea of splitting time between your grandmother’s and a condo is a great idea! You’ll have the best of both worlds that way. Plus, you can always drive the cats back and forth…use drugs for them if necessary! LOL
I haven’t been a follower long, maybe a year or so, but I really enjoy your posts and go hunting for them when it seems like I haven’t received one in a while. I agree with all those that have commented on how I appreciate your honesty. I want you to know you have my support and prayers and I wish you all the best. We all deserve to be happy in this life.
Michael — I wish Amazon Prime could fix everything. It can’t — but it does have your beloved Sun Dried Tomatoes. BTW — I think that should be the name of your Autobiography (you’re welcome)! We are anxiously awaiting it’s release!
Thank you for being open, honest, and real. Sometimes when we feel antsy it’s our “dreams” way of kicking us in the rear to remind us “Remember me? I’m still here and waiting on you!”
I know you have something wonderful in store for you in your future. I can feel it. We’ll still be here — all of us.
Can’t wait to ride the wave with you!
Being the mother of a gay son I must insist you move to a Gay friendly and supportive community. Loneliness is an energy zapper.
Since your job can be anywhere…take the plunge! Go for the adventure! Whats the worst that can happen?
You can always move back…
This was the advice I gave my son. He has never looked back. He is happy, healthy, successful and getting married next January.
Try it. You may never look back either
BTW He lives in Orlando and his support community is huge and it ROCKS!
Hi Michael, I think you sounded a familiar note with many people because we can all feel this way at times. Actually I have come to believe you have these moments to push you to a new place in life. You aren’t running away from problems, you are just looking for something new and fulfilling. I have lived in Maryland and currently live in Delaware near the shore. Two of our beach communities are Lewes and Rehoboth, which are both friendly to all people. Its not such a big move from St. Mary’s but enough to give you a new perspective. Lots of restaurants, houses you can renovate/redecorate and lots of activities and social life. My preference is Lewes, but Rehoboth is so close it is often hard to tell them apart, although Lewes is quieter without a boardwalk. Give it some thought, I think they are both great places to live, not far from your family, the #1 Farmer’s Market in the state, a great beach life but changes with the seasons as well. Come over for a visit! I’ll meet you for lunch!
Hey M!
I just found this post now via my email. Thank you for sending it along!
Your instinct has been telling you to make changes for a long time now. But how do we know if they are the ultimate right choices for us?
We don’t.
And this is where trial and error, and taking big chances comes into play. Just like when you let your B&B go in lieu for your dream job. YOU DID IT! And are successful!
If you can swing it, I’d consider renting elsewhere before you move somewhere. When we travelled to Maui together, you mentioned you loved it, but would like to see another area next time, yet I like to visit the same location time and time again.
I think this mindset speaks volumes. You may not be the type that loves one spot for very long. So if that’s possibly the case, seems to me that perhaps renting short term is a good trial while hanging onto your current home?
If I were to have a 2nd home, it would be in Hawaii. I’ve safely established I love everything about the climate, area, ocean, all that stuff. No question. I’d totally live there 6 months out of the year if I could swing it. (it’s all I could legally do if I wished to stay a Canadian citizen which I do)
But I’ve been there repeatedly to establish that.
I think with all your travels, if you dream of a place you’d love to visit again and again for varying reasons, you should trial out a more lengthly trip (like I go to Maui for 6 weeks), and really saturate yourself in that region. It’s truly the only way to get a true feel for a place.
You will eventually meet people, establish relationships with locals, and so forth. Quick trips, while a refreshing break, do not achieve the same thing at all.
Let’s just say, if I moved to Maui at this point, I’d have some basic roots already established.
I vote to book a place to rent for a month. You can easily ship your cats from US place to US place with you if desired, but perhaps leave them at home the first round if you have a good house / pet sitter avail. You need carefree time to wander, discover, and just do you. 🙂
A house is just a house. But a home is where your heart is. Sounds like you need to grow your surroundings a little to discover where your heart ultimately leads…
First of all, after reading all the comments, I have to say that you have the most amazing readers. That in itself should make you smile…at least today. As for the rest, here is what I know. You have choices. Even though it’s not what you want, you are unattached and free. No job, kids, etc. to make moving difficult. You aren’t trapped or stuck…the sky really is the limit. So just soar.
Hi Michael. Sometimes it’s one single, seemingly small thing that tips the balance toward a life decision. And, as others have said, you are not alone in finding yourself at this juncture. It just means it’s time to move on, whatever that may mean.
Also, as others have advised, figuring out what is at the root of your situation and subsequent unhappiness is wise…admittedly easier said than done when you’re trying to examine yourself. But, just as one small thing can create a chain reaction, so can one conscious decision.
You’ve already made that one, by reaching out here. Congratulations on your bravery and openness. You are on the path that will take you where you want to go. Best wishes always, Ardith
I vote for you to get the hail outta Dodge… To a city where there are young, unattached guys waiting for you. More stimulating, challenging and lots more fun. HURRY UP. 🙂
Dear Michael,
Your open hearted blog post and the remarks which follow make my eyes fill up. So much sincere and honest love. I know you will find your way. You must be doing a lot right to have the kind of people here who care about you. Be open. You are wonderful. Some years are the trough. Others are the peak. Soak up the love in all these wise and friendly letters.
Everything in your post says Move! You’re not attached to your house. Your friendships are moving on. A community that doesn’t give you what you need. I’ve lost 2 dear friends to horrible diseases in the last 6 months, and I’ll tell you what, it makes you realize how precious every day is. Don’t waste another minute. Take vacations in the communities you are considering-subscribe to their local periodicals. and visit every venue that interests you. Grandma could live a long time-hopefully! Don’t put your life on hold waiting. Good luck and God bless! And I love your blog!
I recently discovered your blog and it has quickly become one of my “must reads” because your designs all seem so full of life and joy so I’m sorry to hear that life is not going well for you. A life time ago I had to decide to continue to do what was no longer bringing me joy or to take a huge leap and try something new. At the time, a very good friend pointed out to me, “nothing changes if nothing changes”. So I leaped and thru all the new ups and downs I have never regretted my choice. In my heart I knew what was right for me. I believe that you know what is right for you at this stage in your life.
Friend, you know I want you to explore and find the best sundried tomatoes available. Life’s too short to eat powdered cheese. I know it’s scary, but often the biggest risks yield the best rewards and I’ll be there with you every step of the way. Don’t wait for your life to begin, make it happen!
“Don’t wait for your life to begin, make it happen!”
OhmygoshYES! This!
I’ve read your site for a few years now, and since we have a mutual friend, I feel like I know you. (Isn’t the internet weird like that?)
I’m sorry you had a bad year. I really am. But onwards and upwards, you know? Take your new realizations and build a new life with them. You seem like such a kind, warm, hard-working sweet guy, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.
When I think about it, nothing great in my life has ever been handed to me. Everything I love has been hard-earned and fought for. When I started blogging, I thought someone would notice I was great and tell me so, and then ask me to write a cookbook. Big fat no–I had to get it on my own. When I wasn’t happy living in a red state, I picked up and moved to a blue state. And it changed me forever–the new people you’ll meet, the new experiences. It’s a huge thing. I can see you’re hesitant to move because it seems like such a big change, but can you rent out your house and rent an apartment in a new city? Is there a way to ‘test out’ living in a new place?
My vote is San Francisco, but that’s just because it’s my favorite city on earth. Regardless, move to a big city with a big blogger population and you’ll be welcomed with open arms. <3
Much love and happiness to you, Michael. And thanks for sharing <3
I wish I had advice to lead you in the direction that will make you the happiest. I feel we each create our own betterment and happiness. My advice would be to sit and create pros and cons lists for all the choices you have for the questions you ask. Build on those and let the pro’s take you in the direction that may lead to happiness.
I too am in LOVE with Sun dried tomatoes. If I’m not eating my own (much cheaper but not quite as good as my favorite) these are my ultimate go to! http://bellasunluci.com/products.html
If you haven’t tried their pesto, you are missing out! I make a killer home made pizza with both of these, a few other items and feta! http://bellasunluci.com/products/bella-sun-luci-sun-dried-tomatoes-in-pure-olive-oil-sun-dried-tomato-pesto.html
Keep your head held high and your thoughts positive, you’ll follow the light of happiness!
TRAVEL. Travel to towns that you think you might want to move to. You can find out first hand if you even like them. Choose places that appeal to all your interests, and places that have a good LGBT community. I’m taking a stab in the dark here, but I am guessing that where you currently live probably has a reasonable cost of living, so maybe places like NYC, the DC area and San Francisco might be prohibitive. So branch out – research places online and take a long weekend here and there to explore. And then blog about it!! I LOVE your blog, and I genuinely wish you much happiness! (And grandma’s house could be rented if you are far away and very happy when the time comes). Besides, man cannot live with WalMart alone.