Yesterday I noticed that my local Walmart no longer carries sun-dried tomatoes. Instead they now have a 5 x 5′ section dedicated to one brand of boxed macaroni and cheese. I tell you this for two reasons. First, I love sun-dried tomatoes, especially the ones packed in oil. (Extra healthful, right?) Secondly, the absence of sun-dried tomatoes at my local Walmart* seems to be a sign from the Universe. Let me explain.
*For anyone who doesn’t know, Walmart is my only option for food shopping unless I want to drive 45 minutes to the closest stand-alone grocery store.
Last week, I started writing this same post. At the time, I titled it “The Secret.” Not that I was revealing a secret, but in reference to the book The Secret, as in if you put it something out there, it comes (back) to you.
If you’ve followed IBC for some time (I’ve been doing this for 8 years now!), you know that every year around this time I write a post about bettering my life. Yet, year after year, I find myself in the same predicament. Over the past year, I’ve decided not to get super personal here on IBC because I felt no one needed to hear all that “stuff,” and besides, it wasn’t professional. (I even created Behind the Charm to share more personal things, but that hasn’t worked.)
I don’t want this post to be sad, so I’m going to keep the explanation to a few short sentences. In a nutshell, 2016 was an awful year for me personally. Through the IBC/work lens it was a wonderfully successful year with lots of amazing opportunities, trips, magazine features, etc. However “behind the charm,” I’ve been pretty miserable. In short, I’m lonely, often unmotivated, and carrying a couple extra pounds. I’ve also somehow managed to lose most of my friends. I could go on, but you get it.
I do love my job and am so grateful for the success I’ve had while getting to create day in and day out. I often find it hard to complain when, if you look at my life on the outside, it seems to be magical.
So, you’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with sun-dried tomatoes and why I’m writing about it here. I need your help and opinions. My question is this: With “nothing” left for me here in St. Mary’s, is it time for me to move?
Before you can answer, a few things to consider.
First, I love my home, but I’m not attached to it. It’s not in an ideal location, plus I’d like a bigger yard, etc.
Secondly, as I’ve mentioned before, my plan has been to buy my grandparents’ house when the time comes. My grandfather passed about two years ago and my grandma still lives there. Naturally, I want her to live forever, but as a result, that puts me in limbo.
Also, Is buying a house in an area that seemingly has little to offer me (e.g., no relationships, no friends, no sun-dried tomatoes) the best decision?
Another plan I’ve had is to purchase my grandparents’ home when the time comes, but also rent or buy a little condo near the beach so I can have the best of both worlds.
And if I do decide to leave St. Marys, how do I even begin to choose where to live? Given my job, the world is my oyster. However, what if I move, and I’m more lost and lonely than I am now?
As you can see, I’m confused. I also need to consider my two cats. I can’t just abandon them for half of the year if having two residences would be the best option. I also have no intention of getting rid of them. They are part of my life until they pass to Kitty Heaven.
Also, St. Marys is home. Being close to my family is a gift that I treasure. However, lately I feel like I have just a supporting role in their lives rather than a life of my own.
And speaking of a life of my own, I haven’t dated in years. It doesn’t help that I’m a bit of an introvert, but a guy trying to meet a guy in small town America is kind of tricky. Many young people want out of this place the day after they graduate. This has been a big issue for me because year after year, I want nothing more than to spend my life with someone.
So, in a nutshell, that’s my situation. (Also, I should mention I am chatting with someone about all of this “stuff” in trying to work things out. I’m not making any major life decisions tomorrow, I’m just getting the ball rolling.)
I decided to write this post in an attempt to open the doors. Maybe you have some thoughts or helpful suggestions? Maybe you’ve been through a similar situation? Maybe you know the “perfect” place where I should put down roots? Maybe you have an adorable condo for sale on the beach? Maybe you have a pool house I can rent for part of the year? Maybe you have a cute cousin I should meet? Or maybe you just have a can of sun-dried tomatoes I can buy?
I realize I have a lot of work to do on my own. Ultimately this is my life, and I’m the one driving the bus. I get it. However, in this particular instance, I wouldn’t mind a few backseat drivers.
As always, thank you very much in advance. Even if you have no advice to offer, I appreciate your kind thoughts and continued support of IBC.
I’ve been reading your blog for several months now but never commented. I just want to say how refreshing it is to see a bit of the person behind the seemingly-perfect life that shines through on the blog. I know that sounds like a terrible thing to say, because I’m genuinely sad to read about how you are feeling about your life. But what I mean is that often bloggers (and lifestyle bloggers especially) and Instagram celebrities, etc. appear to have it all. Looking in from the outside it can seem as though they’ve got everything figured out and their life is perfect. We know it’s not, but it can be hard not to compare and feel bad about your own life. I so appreciate the honesty. Thank you for sharing.
PS – move to Toronto! 😀
Hey, look at it as a job opportunity. A new house, especially a fixer upper, would give you at least a year’s worth of posts! It seems like it could be a risk worth taking. (I do hope you carry Dior Gray with you, though. Your dining room is what drew me in and draws me back! I’m usually a silent reader, but decided to comment today. That color never gets old!)
Good luck whatever you decide!
I agree that sometimes “wherever you go, there you are.” It tends to be true that much of what you struggle with will follow you wherever you choose to go. However, I’m a very big believer in how much environment can influence mood too. If you already feel lonely, why not feel lonely in a new place, with new places and new energy and new potential? If you feel you’ve exhausted all the possibility of your current home, a new start invited the opportunity for something more- hopefully many somethings 🙂
I left Austin TX for Boulder CO knowing no one, with a room to rent I secured via Craigslist and a phone call. I was depressed and lonely and without community in many ways. I spent 7 years in Colorado getting a Masters, finding my husband and making an incredible group of friends. The transition was hard (never judge a move based on the first few months of adjusting to change!) I don’t think it was the place I chose, I think it was finally inviting possibility and change into my life that made it all happen. The fact you’re considering opening to that is so exciting!
I’m sorry to hear you’re so unhappy in your personal life. Ugh, it’s making me sad! I’m from rural PA originally, too. I knew some people from St. Mary’s in college (I went to Gannon). I can understand why you may be struggling there. I moved from PA to St. Pete, FL almost nine years ago, because my now husband found a good job, and it turned out to be a great decision. I love it here. We have gorgeous beaches, a rejuvenated downtown, a respected and celebrated LGBT community. I could go on. You may want to think about the possibility of relocating here. I’ve found that there are A LOT of people who have moved here from the north, so you tend to forge little “families” with your friends because most people’s loved ones are far away. It may be a good time for you to make a move and try it out. If it doesn’t work for you, you can always go back. What is there to lose?
I’m a longtime reader, but don’t think I’ve ever commented. This post made me want to reach out! Have you considered Pittsburgh? It’s a lovely city with an amazing up and coming art scene. It has all the opportunity of a larger city, but the culture and communities here have a small town vibe. It would be driving distance to your family and close to an airport. I came here 10+ years ago for a job thinking it would be temporary and I fell in love.
I also own a lake house outside of the city and you can come and get your water/beach fix anytime you want! ?
Hi Micheal! I have been reading your blog for so long – I am sorry you are still feeling this way…I am no wisdom of the ages, but all I can say is in my experience, when I have taken action to make a change for the better things naturally fall into place is crazy wonderful ways. When you take out/change the “stuff” that is holding you back, life tends to fill it with the “GREAT stuff” that will catapult you forward. Xo
Sending you love and good vibes. It sounds like you are ready to move forward with your life. All of our lives have ebbs and flows, so before you something drastic I would suggest you do some self-reflection to make sure this isn’t just some lull that you will come out of. If not, I say go for it! We aren’t meant to stay stagnant. We are meant to grow and evolve as people. Your life is calling you to make a change. I hope you find what you’re looking for. ❤
I wish you weren’t so far from Longwood Gardens, it’s such a refreshing place!
Jamie’s idea about renting somewhere is good.
How far are you willing to move away from your family? how important is it for travel (airports, highways) to be close by?
Lewisburg? Philly? Pittsburgh? Cape May? Frederick MD? Ellicott City MD?
It would be ideal to be able to drive home. So, 5-6 hours max, perhaps. BUT that’s not SUPER important I suppose.
And yes, one of the downfalls of this area is that it takes 3 hours to get to an airport. Living closer to an airport would be a huge benefit.
xo Michael
Hi Michael, thanks for sharing yourself! From your blog, you seem to be a person who loves your family, loves to create, likes to travel, likes some culture/activity/shopping opportunities. It seems like you are perhaps in too rural an area. Something closer to a small city & an airport but still within driving distance of your family sounds ideal. I am an introvert also & know that it can be hard to put yourself out there. But it is certainly a bit easier if there are opportunities to do so, such as museums, concerts, groups to join, etc. You could always give it a try and move back if it doesn’t work out. I wish you so much good luck!
Michael, thank for you sharing your beautiful post. You are so kind and humble.
I’ve read some of your past posts, which had similar sentiments. I say go for it! Try somewhere new…you can always go back if it is where you’re meant to be.
I’m familiar with 2 places that you might like to visit and check out. Philadelphia and Lancaster, PA. Both are relatively close to home for you, but probably have more opportunity to find some of the things you are looking for. Lancaster is a bit traditional and conservative but has significant art, cultural, and gay communities. I live nearby with my girlfriend, and if you’d like to come visit, we will gladly show you around!
Philly is much more diverse and exciting, but expensive, too.
Go visit both!
I enjoy your post so much and appreciate your honesty. I am going through a slab leak crises in my home where I am living with concrete floors and the whole downstairs gutted. I went through the holidays with no decorations, no kitchen and no furniture. Your blog gave me joy! I loved seeing your trees and party ideas. As soon as my drywall was repaired, a coat of ‘Dior’ paint went up on an accent wall and everyone thinks I am a brilliant designer-thanks to you! You will find your way. If you haven’t read the book ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho, I highly recommend it. It is a light read and a very inspirational life story. Also, I just came across this quote that I saved to my desktop “Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge” -Eckhart Tolle
I love the “realness” of this! I find that for every negative thought–I make myself think of a blessing and keep an open heart! Much love! Mary Wilding http://www.mytributejournal.com
I moved from home 10 years ago and I miss it more than I thought I would. If you think you will always wonder what things would be like if you’d left, I’d pack up those sweet cats and rent in a bigger city. By the time your grandmother’s home is available, you will (hopefully) know if you want to move back or not. Best of luck. Adulting is hard.
Great advice.
Gosh Michael, I’m sorry you had an awful year-I’ve been there as well. And to be really honest…you don’t seem to love where you live-I have always kind of thought that, and I have followed you a long time. When you were in California and Hawaii and on your trips, you just seem “brighter!” I live in cold weather many months out of the year in MN…I can tell you that the place you live CAN help and hurt you-especially if you get down in the winter. People in my family have moved to Arizona and California and it has changed their health and their well being so much. I don’t have any creative ideas for places to move, but I think it is a sign-just in your writing that it is time. Your family will still love you-it might not work out “perfectly” but everything points to you leaving PA in my humble opinion. I believe in you and I think you can thrive just about anywhere…move some place warm! 🙂
I say go for it! If you move and don’t like it you can always move back. Understand that could happen but if you never take the chance you just don’t know. It could be the greatest decision or it might not work out. But that would be alright, cause at least you tried. If it doesn’t work out, don’t beat yourself up. Fear holds us back. Fear of failure, fear of making the wrong decision, fear of being alone. Know that you are enough and trust that there is a “plan” for you, you just have to be observant and trust yourself to find your way. Good Luck!
You are very brave to put this out there and also I really have no advice to share. But sometimes, something happens when we are needing answers. It may be an event or a random happening that helps us find our way and gives us the answers we need. I hope this is what happens to you and you can find some peace with whatever decisions you make. Life is hard sometimes. Oh and I love sun dried tomatoes as well. ?
First, I wish I were there to give you a hug…sometimes that just makes things a little brighter.
Second, never be afraid to share the personal on your blog…yes, this is a business for you, but I EXPECT some personal things when I read a blog. I WANT to feel like I know a bit about the person…if all I wanted was impersonal posts and perfectly executed projects there’s a whole world of brand blogs out there to get decorating/DIY/cooking posts without the personal. I visit IBC because Michael Wurm writes this blog and I like his blog. So, please, don’t be afraid to show *you* here. Yes, there has to be a balance…but life isn’t only well staged and edited photos…sometimes it’s a struggle and that’s okay.
Third, I don’t have any advice on where you should live. It’s a hard decision to make, but thankfully you don’t have anything driving you to make it. You can take your time and visit places and really get the vibe for them. Maybe there’s some non-sponsored travel posts in the future! Good luck finding the right place with creative individuals and cute single guys!
Thank you for sharing your story … I know for myself opening up to people is always the first step to working out what I’m struggling with … Have you considered Philadelphia ? Not too far from where you are now and close to the Jersey shore
I have found that moving away rarely fixes all the problems that you have where you currently are. I have been there, tried that and I have watched others do the same. So make sure if you do chose to move that you do so not to make things better. It really won’t help.
While I know this doesn’t help, I have found that life takes us on all sorts of adventures if we put ourselves out there, willing to take on more challenges. I was at a crossroads for about 8 years, not sure what to do about a career and all of a sudden the perfect job fell into my lap. That lead to me going back to school, which lead to an even better job in the field that fell into my lap. I would have never imagined myself here even 5 years ago!
I am not always happy and things aren’t always perfect but honestly, I find it easier to get up each morning and get moving. Try some new things- like Nicole stated above. Go outside your comfort zone- not easy, I know but so worth it! You just never know where it might lead you!
Being your job requires a lot of living online that can be tough…moving could help but you still need avenues outside the computer and your home. Sounds like you are also talking to a professional which is great…maybe joining a hiking group, workout class or something that will get you moving physically and outside your comfort zone.
This post was such a pleasure to read – while that’s probably a weird reaction to your confession of blah-ness, its nice to see reality shine through. We’ve all been there in one way or another and from this humble little IBC fan, I love checking in daily and seeing what you’re up to next; wherever that may be, with whoever that may be with – I’ll still be checking in
Keep your chin up and never settle for less than sun-dried tomatoes. 🙂