Oh goodness. I’ve been trying to put together a post for this page for more than a week. I kid you not. I have three drafts written. What happens is I get several paragraphs in and the post ends up being this sad rant. Even though I created this part of IBC to share that type of post, I also don’t want this space to become a pit of sadness.
So, being in a different headspace at the moment, I figured it was a good time to pop in. To summarize the three drafts: I was trying to explain the fact that the past 18 months have been sort of crappy for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some amazing experiences and opportunities. For instance, I’m out of my mind grateful for the the life I get to live. Seriously. Completely humbled. (I even touched on this briefly in my 2015 recap on IBC.) Now, I could list and complain about all the things that have been crappy this past year or so, but that wouldn’t do me or you any good. In all honesty, it really doesn’t matter. The last thing I want is for you to “feel bad” for me. Please, don’t feel bad for me.
Because what I’ve determined is that I only have myself to blame. For a long time I’ve done a really good job at complaining about things. And while these things may be complaint worthy, this tactic is clearly not getting me anywhere. And having you feel bad for me won’t get me anywhere. What I really need is a swift kick in the rear.
(And please don’t take that the wrong way. I totally love and appreciate your sweet messages and kind words. Of course, I love every one, and they certainly make my heart happy and bring a smile to my face.)
For a long time I’ve been waiting for someone or something to “rescue me.” And the greatest lesson that I’ve learned over the past year is that isn’t going to happen. If I want something to change, I just need to change it. If I’m unhappy on my current path, I need to try another.
So basically, I’m just at this point where I need a life makeover. As much as I love my home and town, lately I’ve been feeling a little stuck here. And maybe “stuck” isn’t the right word. I could say I’ve “outgrown” this place, but that’s not right either because at their core, my town, my family, and my friends are awesome. Basically, I need something more. I haven’t been in a relationship since I moved home eight years ago. While, I mostly do fine on my own (I’m an extroverted introvert.), my heart is just aching for something or someone. And while I realize that not all relationships are perfect, and that we shouldn’t “need” someone to complete us, I still kind of want to give it a try, and it’s just not happening here. And it’s not just that. I also miss the cultural and opportunities of a larger area. Call me crazy, but I love little coffee shops, funky stores, outdoor concerts, etc. – and those things just aren’t here.
I’m not saying that I want to pick up and move. But maybe there’s an opportunity out there where I can live here part time and somewhere else the rest of the time. The best of both worlds. I know that might sound too cold to be true, but a guy can dream. And the first part of making a dream come true is putting it out into the universe, right?
However, it’s more than location and connection that needs to change. As you long-time readers are well aware, I’m a heart-on-my-sleeve kinda guy. I assumed that my skin would get thicker, and I have become less chicken-hearted over the years, but I think the opposite is happening. Lately, I tend to take things very personally and get hurt way too easily. And while some things are justifiable, and we shouldn’t accept less than we deserve, I think that I could do better if just let criticism and snarky comments roll off my back.
Does all of that make sense? Again, I’m only scratching the surface here, but hopefully you get where I’m coming from.
I also wanted to mention that things may slow down on IBC for the next few weeks with only 2 or 3 posts per week. I’m super excited to be working with a cruise line again, so I’m heading off on a cruise in the very near future. I will be preparing content in advance, but it definitely won’t make for 4 or 5 posts per week. While there will be content on IBC during my time away, I’m also thinking about popping in here on Behind the Charm to do a bit of journaling while I’m away. Something casual. I’m not making any promises, but be sure to check back in.
Anyway, I decided to go on the cruise alone because I’m hoping that it will give me some time to reflect, think, and make a game plan for the future. As a creative person, It’s incredibly challenging (for me at least) for me to be inspiring when I’m bummed out or when my brain is full of so much garbage that I can’t think freely. And I know that sounds oddly close to complaining, but it’s really not. It’s simply the truth. My hope is that some time away will provide clarity and allow me to figure out the best way to move forward.
I’m honestly not quite sure what I’m trying to say here or what my point is with all of this, but I’m ready and excited for a change. Without all the icky / complain-y details, I hope that better explains where I am these days. If you have questions, thoughts, or advice feel free to keep the conversation going in the comments or shoot me an email. Above all, thanks for reading.
Until next time.